Balancing Act.

Currently, I am in a situation where I identified the paths but undecided on which to choose. For the past half a year or so, I had experienced two seemingly similar environments but yet they are worlds apart. And through this period, I had discovered a lot more about myself.


I find joy in interacting with the students.
I find satisfaction seeing them grow.
I am filled with pride when they attain enlightenment on things.
The feeling of having added value (or dis-value, and so a negative eg) to someone was the key driving force in living to the fullest.


But while doing all this, I cannot live my conscience intact while doing magic to meet requirements. I can see why, but I do not agree to it.


And then I became realistic. It is a classic case of “You won’t know until you done it yourself.” I remember bitching back in hall that how come the younger generations just had to go through the path that we had done, and learning the same lessons all over again. While in the later stage, we did conclude “This is the only way that they will learn. At a low cost.” And so now I am, walking down the same path. And I learnt. Luckily, at a low cost.


Well, I did gain something more than just uncovering the little bits in me. The whole process had given me the motivation to push new frontiers. Places I never had thought of in my entire life. Borders which I solemnly kept to be safe, and thoughts I never even entertained before this. I just wanted to be safe, previously. And now, I am eager to go. Even to the extent of taking the leap.of.faith. “It is now or (probably) never!” screams my bestie. And he is right.


Now, I had narrowed things down to typically two paths. Incidentally (and very proudly, so) they stem from the same intent and basis of adding value to people’s life. Simplicity in reason had ironically, led to complexity in decision.


Option A: The chance to carry on the legacy and at the same time, able to pursue and further develop the passion. The potential is great. And with another joining the fray, it would go beyond the level 1 that it is at now. Is it a long term prospect? It could be.


Option B: A unique opportunity. The invitation was given since a year back. Impressed by the plan and all, and intrigued by the possibilities. The confidence and insistence of the maestro in the plan is impressive, though somewhat undeserving for someone like me who had no track records.


Simply put, I will enjoy both options immensely. The long chat had given some visibility to both ways and both still tilts evenly on the balance.


“Go with your heart!” But both are from the heart! So how now brown cow?


The wife had been very supportive. Her willingness to take care of the backyard had indeed made my internal struggle much easier. So too, my parents’ and family’s support had been massive. At least I have the luxury of only fighting one war. And I am immensely grateful for that.


I realize things get clearer as I talk in depth with people. The refinement of thoughts comes with conversation. How true.


Crystallise my thoughts, anyone?